apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
