your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
