that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
