why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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