There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
