So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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