come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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