My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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