I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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