two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
