dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
