she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
