***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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