Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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