He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
