Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
