i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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