: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
