If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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