just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize