I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
