so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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