So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
