Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
