Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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