GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
