i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
