I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
