the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize