So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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