I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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