As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
