first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
