Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
