no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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