this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
