Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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