I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
