Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
