that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize