I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize