Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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