i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
