Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
