Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize