I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
