i barfeds in our rink
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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