He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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