Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
