i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
