My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
