I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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