tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
