A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
