the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
