its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
