I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
