My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
