For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Randomize