How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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