He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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