I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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