Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
