I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
