So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize