Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
