Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
