My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
