Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
