maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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