I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
