I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize