If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
