my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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