I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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