She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
