If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
