you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I understand Curling. That high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
