So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
