he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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