It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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