I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
