I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
