When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
