I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
