I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have demons in me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
