Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bring me that man meat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
