pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pants are for mortals
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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