I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize