Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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