I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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