saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
