They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
