the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
