Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
