Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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