Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
