You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
