Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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