I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
