Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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