Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize