By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
