I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
