i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
