how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
