her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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