I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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