My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
