She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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