Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
