New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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