Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
