I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize