Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she looked like the before picture.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize