I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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