I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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