And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
