You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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