I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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